Belonging.
It’s all something we have wanted ever since we were a little child. To fit in,
to belong to mother not father or vis versa. We as humans have a natural need
to feel needed, wanted, loved, accepted. While we were younger we worked hard
to fill that need. As we grew up, and hit high school age we still worked hard
to fit in, but found it wasn’t that hard to make friends since there were so
many different type of groups to belong to. Then we graduated, maybe went to
college or started right off into the working world and realized life isn’t
like highschool there are SO many more different type of people out there. Free
thinking people that you actually think like and are able to have a real
conversation with. Realizing that you were developing relationships with people
that you shared actual interest in helped to make you not just feel belonged
but needed at the same time. Friends would seek answers from you. You would
reach out to them.
Then as you entered mid
twenties you began to notice not just groups but communities. The neighborhood
community, the gay community, the stay-at-home-mom community, each with their
own set of rules, guidelines and dynamics one would have to maintain. Slip up
and the whole community knows within a matter of minutes, even seconds thanks
to our dear old friend social media.
So when looking at it in
black and white, it seems that the idea of belonging does a full circle from
working to fit in, to just fitting in, back to having to work to fit in. So do
we really progress as we get older and act from what we learned or just use
what we have learned and play high school as adults. After speaking with a
close group of friends, that I like to call “the forum’ – we each have a
different name for our daily chats on politics, sex, music, life ( ps – there
may be a blog coming soon of the our topics ) we pretty much decided it doesn’t
matter what these communities think of you. Yes, you do belong to that one
maybe two communities, but you are what you bring to that community. Being
confident and strong in yourself is what is going to help you within that
community. You should want to belong to yourself before any others.
I just couldn't resist |
After also reaching out for
opinions from others ( thanks FB ) it helped me realize – remember that time we
spoke of earlier, where we just made friends because we found people like us.
Well they turned out to be the friends we will have for the longest, the ones
from college, work, coffee shops.
Why – because these were the ones we actually
had something in common with. Not the ones we met fighting over how the yard
sale sign should read, not the ones we continue to find yourself hanging out
with at the bar but the ones you created a relationship with. You both built a
foundation on something solid. Let it rest there, and let it settle because
those friends are the ones that will help keep you strong when the community
begins to shift.